dang. dog tired.
I made it this morning.
Let’s be honest, I really didn’t sleep last night. I managed to make it into the bed at 9:00pm and then proceeded to toss and turn for the next 3 1/2 hours when I looked at my clock to see that it was 12:30am. I had a ridiculous annoying dream and woke up quickly at 4:00am - I felt like SHIT. I jumped up and got my mojo on. Driving to the boathouse in the dark really made me wonder what the fuck I was thinking. But I kept it moving….
At the boathouse, it was a mostly female group with a few dudes. The coach is way way too verbose and so the actual time spent in the water is very limited. But today, as I sat in that boat and watched the sun peak around the clouds while leaving a liquid gold steak in the calm water - I smiled. The sky lit up pink before turning into a bright blue. It was beautiful. The rowing felt nice and steady. I enjoyed it. Suddenly it was worth getting up at 4:00am for….it was good.
I raced right to work and basically collapsed at 5pm. I managed to visit my boy in the psych ward - we ate doritos together and shared a twix bar. Not my shining moment, but it seemed to ease both of our spirits as we sat and munched while talking about the movie ‘CARS’.
I took off at 6:00pm with Shopaholic who was lamenting about her boyfriend being on her last nerve and how she needed to end it but just didn’t know how long she would keep it going because she might be afraid to be alone. ‘But I’m 34 next month and I’m alone’ she wailed. I popped a marshmallow in my mouth and thought - man - I’m so glad I don’t feel that way. I’m 41 this year and the stress of the imaginary deadline of getting a man has gone. I totally feel at peace about it right now. Mind you sometimes I long for some decent company - but hell - I am grateful that I don’t have some albatross around my neck for the sake of companionship. You live, you learn. She’ll have to find her own way out of it. I just smile sympathetically and marvel at how good we are at giving each other advice but NEVER take our own common sense to heart.
Oh well. Not my problem which is AWESOME.
I’m gonna do my best to stay up till 9pm. Man. Even though my food was not great today, I feel pretty alright.
I am grateful for all of you EVERY day - for you make this place a sweeter joint 
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxooooooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Man, what at day! Your description of the sleeplessness really hit a nerve with me. Then getting up so early made me cringe with sympathetic tiredness. Then the dawn and the water and the rowing. OOooooh wow. Wonderful. It’s moments like that that make it all worthwhile.
Hope you got to stay up till 9
Annie,
thank you so so so very much for the lovely and kind words. You mean the world to me.
I must have been the good vibes from you all, I am already feeling a bit better.
The sunrise sounded beautiful and peaceful. I guess you can acquire a test for early, silent and peaceable mornings.
Lots of love. you are a treasure.
iniya
Now THAT’S determination, lady! If I’d put in that kind of night - AND managed (which is highly unlikely) to drag myself off to a rowing class, I would’ve been too bleary-eyed to notice what anything looked like, sun on the water or no. You’re doing damned well, my dear girl. And yeah, no albatross neckpieces for you, Nuh-uh. Just not your style, a fact for which I shall remain eternally grateful.
Mucho hugs,
Z