! trANNsformation BaBy !

It rained off and on today.

I woke up leisurely and then headed out to the BBQ place in Decatur. Alabama is so green with wide open spaces. Decatur had some beautiful big houses and lots of trees. It was very pretty there. The BBQ however was not as impressive as I had hoped - oh well. It was nice anyway. I’ve never had BBQ chicken with white sauce. It was pretty good. The ribs were ok as the beef and the pulled pork. I bought two pieces of pie - the chocolate and the lemon ice box. The chocolate was super thin with a large meringue top. It was funny to eat. I’m saving the lemon one.

Not feeling so hot. Must be all this goddamn BBQ.

I went to visit the Grandmother and 4 kids today. She was so bossy so I decided NOT to treat them to dinner tonight. Normally I’m hospitable to a fault but I can see why the Alabama social worker stopped supervision. Their house is in a nice quiet neighborhood. Everything is fine there and tomorrow morning she insists on driving me to the two schools. I should be done with it by noon hopefully and then be on my way to the shrine. I didn’t go today because of the thunderstorms.

Sigh.

It’s only a 2 hour difference but it feels like another continent entirely. I feel tired.

Early to bed, early to rise - makes an Annie rid herself of a controlling granny with a sweet guise.

Landed in the land of HUMIDITY last night at 10pm. I barely ate anything yesterday trying to keep up my diet.

Drove to Birmingham today and checked out the Birmingham Civil Rights Institute along with the 16th street Church (4 little girls were killed in the racist bombing of 1963). I have to say that walking through that museum; I got choked up a number of times. It’s always amazing how cruel we can be… If you’ve seen it a million times or watched documentaries - or shit - watch the news it never fails to astound me.

It was muggy and my jeans felt like a 20 pound weight tied to my ass. I walked up to an art fair at a park up the street. It was very cool. Lots of people, music and really beautiful art. I actually bought a piece from a young woman. Haunting stuff she makes - exorcising the demons within…. loved it. I wish I could have afforded her larger sculpture $3500. She’s definitely talented - her tiny frame creating a mixture of joy and anguish into each piece.

After an hour or so of that I said FUCK IT to the Birmingham Art Museum. I was hungry so it was off to find the BBQ joints. Yep, I figure SOUTH = BBQ & biscuits. So last night’s research led me to Demetri’s in Homewood Alabama. I picked up a few sandwiches to go. Then on the way back to Huntsville I tried to stop off at a Catholic shrine ( Mom would have liked me to go and do a prayer for her - put my family’s wishes in the prayer request for the nuns) but couldn’t find it and wandered onto another BBQ joint (nick & jim’s) where I got 1/2 slab lean ribs with potato salad, sweet tea, lemon ice box pie & greens for take out dinner.

Now during my drive, I carefully ate the bbq sandwiches. While I was chewing and managing to not drop all that shit down my white shirt - I came to the epiphany that I wouldn’t know good bbq if it hit me in the face. How the fuck would I know - I wasn’t raised eating this shit?! So the sandwiches were ok. I tried not to eat all the white bun. The pork was ok and the beef one was too. Next I started drinkin the SWEET TEA. Now - THAT was some good shit. The lady packed a giant styrofoam cup of it for me to go and I gotta say all that sugar really made me smile. Good shit. Drank it constantly all the way home.

Damn, when I got back I discovered the lady forgot to pack the ice box lemon pie it for me NO PIE.

So later on this evening, I proceeded to open the styrofoam box to see my sweet ribs sitting amongst 2 tiny cheddar biscuits. I took a bite of the little muffin and WHOA! That shit was good. DAMN it was good. I was surprised. I tried a piece of cold rib - YUMMMMM. Damn, that shit was probably kickin when it was hot. Ok, now a bite of the potato salad (let’s hope I’m not in the ICU tomorrow - it sat in the car for a good 1 1/2 -2 hours on the way home) and THAT was good. The greens were awful salty and full of meat - they were alright.

HOT DAMN! Now that was good BBQ!!!!!

I could not stop smiling and thinking that what I was doing at that very moment (sitting in my underwear on a queen size bed in a floral spray covering up the smoke smelling Quitina? motel room with a dirty bathroom and a view of a used car lot - smacking down cold ribs, warm potato salad and tiny cheddar biscuits) has GOT to be illegal in at least 48 states.

DAMN - THAT SHIT WAS GOOD.

I only had a dab of the potato salad because I was afraid it would mean the difference between crawling to my car to drive myself to the ER or calling 911 to have them come get me. But overall I would have to say that it was good.

DID I SAY IT WAS GOOD?!

Now, stop.

Don’t hate on your sister for having this orgy of flavor in a seedy motel room. I am going to try to get to that shrine tomorrow to redeem myself…

But tonight honey - I was livin in SIN!

Oh. If only I coulda ate my lemon ice box pie. ;(

Tomorrow is Bob Gibson’s BBQ in Decatur Alabama - supposedly it’s got GREAT pie!

Hmmm, now if I could only get a little of that 6′2 sweaty SWEET SOUTHERN hospitality in my bed tonight - I’d be in HOG heaven….

Yeeee Haaaawwwwwww!

I called in sick today to play hooky. I’m sick of seeing that overgrown toddler and I’m sick of paperwork - so FUCK IT!

Now the goal was to mail out my parents’ package, buy some water,come home to clean up the kitchen, walk and start packing for Alabama.

Let’s see, I got the package mailed out. I bought water and a host of other healthy items. I spent the entire day looking around at different stores (so maybe I did a mile?). It’s 6pm and do I honestly feel like cleanin the kitchen?

I did however see this white rayon shift (12.99) for Harriet at one of the discount stores so I called her and she wants to come out next Wednesday to look for a white dress (24W) she’ll wear to her sorority convention. You know last Sunday we stopped by TJ Maxx and she found a few items she liked but when we looked through the dresses, I suddenly felt like I was Shopaholic with my Anniegirl in tow. Shopaholic finds all kinds of cute things to wear and Anniegirl remarks on how cute they are but deep down inside is frustrated and depressed about how she could never hope to wear such cute clothes because of her size. I was so acutely aware of how horrible I’ve felt in the past that I quickly moved us to soaps and shoes.

I felt that way again today. I tried a few size 14’s and they didn’t fit - either my boobs couldn’t make it or they were way too tight. I felt like shit. I stood there and wondered how I could have put myself back into this situation when just last October I weighed 20 pounds less. That 20 pounds means fitting into smaller clothes that are often way cuter than those large clothes I’ve become so accustomed to…. Yeah. I was driving from store to store feeling depressed and cross at the same time.

So breakfast was a cup of black tea WITHOUT any of my beloved clover honey in it along with a protein shake and a banana. I was hungry on the road and had a bag of chicken strips I bought at the grocery store. That satisfied me until around 4pm and fortunately I was able to get home. So I had a few guiltless gourmet tortilla chips, egg beaters and some of yesterdays left over canned roast beef (1/4 cup). I bought those 60 calorie creme brulee sugar free jello pudding desserts. I ate 1/2 of one of em - yummers, saving the other half for later tonight. I have some veggies in the microwave. I’m feeling like I’ll eat veggies in my beloved tomato/red pepper soup that I loved last night and call it a goddamn day.

I do feel bitter about the weight gain. Shopaholic called today and said something that made me think when I started bitching about the diet. She said that she doesn’t like not eating what she wants either but she doesn’t want to end up like her Mother or her sister. Now I’ve forgotten that her Mother is very large for a Chinese lady because she’s got major health issues and is shot up with steroids. Her sister has a 4 year old boy and due to stress is chubby (size 10) for her size. It was a sobering thought. Now I feel like I understand her better and she’s right - her being skinny right now is something she does work for most of the time. Although she’s blessed with a small frame, she does work out quite a bit and tries to eat well. She’s very cognizant of when her clothes start getting tight and she does something about it. So in a way she understands the struggle - a little.

I feel lazy. What else is new? My feet are hurting me for some reason - they hurt all day. I was wearing my sneakers too and they still hurt. I tried not to look at myself in the mirror when I tried on a few dresses. It’s just better that way.

I guess today went fine - I’m hoping tomorrow will go better as I’ll wake up early and get that walk out of the way. I’m going to see Marcus Miller tomorrow night (jazz guitar) and will eat out - but I don’t intend on fucking things up. It’s only Day 3 but it’s better than not starting at all.

Here’s to all of us who are struggling with this battle of the bulge.
Here’s to doing shit we really don’t like to do.
Here’s to sacrificing today for a slimmer tomorrow.
Here’s to sliding our asses into smaller items of clothing.
Here’s to having many more good days than bad.
Here’s to having the support of other women in the same goddamn predicament.
Here’s to having a glass of that goddamn Tropicana Valencia Mango juice I saw in the grocery store today as soon as I lose 5 pounds.

Hugs to everyone!

Well today was good. I went walking in the morning and then ate a little bit too much but nothing fattening or sugary snacks. So I feel fine about it.

Of course, I wish it would just drop off like yesterday but that’s not a reality. Gotta work for it.

That part bites.