! trANNsformation BaBy !

and I didn’t do a damn thing except eat. Well no, I also wondered how I could manage a trip to Vegas to see Kem in concert on June 14th - that research project took up most of my day. It doesn’t look like I’d be able to keep it under 400.00 and that’s without the food!

Not cool.

He’s not coming to SF or the Bay Area anytime soon - not this year at least and I’ve got a hankerin’ to see him in concert. Vegas is the closest I’d come to him. Goodness knows that Anthony Hamilton will probably never make it up here as he seems to stay mostly in the south….

I’ve also wondered about how to use my free United airfare ticket and decided that my birthday week would be a good time to go somewhere (in the continental us) - Hawaii comes to mind. Kauai is so beautiful but the last time I went there it was with my ex boyfriend and we stayed at a beautiful place at Poipu Beach - so wonderful to listen to the waves crash at night. But I think I can’t do that again because what’s the point of revisiting a memory laden romantic place - especially alone. So I’m wondering about the Big Island. I’ve been there before with him too but somehow I had more control over it because I made reservations for my birthday which I was going to alone because we were broken up and at the last minute he joined me there - so it’s not the same trip.

I’d really like to check out the Bahamas or something out that way but I’m afraid that free ticket doesn’t cover that…

So I looked into that for a while today too and didn’t come away with much except I wish I had a boyfriend that would help pay for this shit.

Yep, shallow.

I know.

I called up Harriet to see if she wanted to go to Vegas in June and she’s unsure right now because of her budget. Pooh. She’s the only one I’d want to go with honestly….

Shopaholic called today to see what was going on and to tell me about her day. WildChild called to tell me she finally asked a mutual acquaintance to start paying back a loan she borrowed back in December. The nerve of that chick to not even pay her back a dime and promise her a payment this month that obviously didn’t come through. That chick had the nerve to reply to her e-mail outraged that she was asking for repayment.

Wow, some people have some ridiculous nerve.

Oh well.

I ate way too much today. A California pizza kitchen frozen pizza, a little salad, egg beaters and toast, 2 jello sugar free puddin’ cups, 100 calorie bag of popcorn, wedge of laughing cow lite cheese, skinny cow ice cream cone - shit I was amazed it was that good really! 150 calories with 3 fiber thingies….19 grams of sugar though! Yikes. But it’s hella good.

Damn, a rough estimate brings me up to 1700 calories - shit forgot the goddamn banana - 1800 calories. Ok, that’s not good. I think it should be around 1500 or less. Oh well. It’s 8:35pm and I’m done eating for today.

Oh yeah, I’m 182 right now which is quite horrible. All that BBQ and hell eating has brought me up to 182. Hmmm. I wonder what I weighed before I left on that trip because I think I was doin’ rather well with the no artificial sugar crap.

Oh well.

I was lookin at my hair today, my dry scalp, all my white hairs, my pallid skin and wondering if maybe I could use a nutritional haul over. I wonder if eating all natural - unprocessed shit would make a noticeable difference in my appearance and mood. Maybe just eating organic shit that’s unprocessed for a month - I could try that once I get back from New Orleans. An experiment. I fucking look unhealthy and feel like a mac truck hit me every time I wake up. I’ve been sluggish and tired all day today.

Not cool.

Whine whine whine….

No, I’ll pass on the cheese with that….

Oh Rev Wright - can you please DISAPPEAR? Or at least SHUT THE HELL UP!

It’s killing me!

Glad to be back finally! What a grueling day of travel.

I ate at Waffle House this morning - that was pretty mediocre - but I just had to do it.

So I got in tonight and WildChild came to pick me up at the airport. We went to eat Thai food and she regaled me with her story of being hit by a scooter when she was jaywalking to Macy’s in Union Square. I felt so bad for her but she’s not injured - thank goodness. I did though however feel terrible that her son and her husband were not sympathetic to her plight. She called her hubby after it happened and he was ‘disinterested’ - so she hung up and he didn’t bother to call back! When she got home, she told her son who was busy playing video games and he barely looked up. She told her mom and her mother was pissed off that she was going to get samples for her friends. Sad. I know men can be insensitive but honestly - this is your goddamn wife. I can just see him being a total dolt. Poor thing. She’s ok though, just still shaken up by the whole experience.

It was good to get a ride home, a hot meal and to laugh about things.

I can’t wait to SLEEP IN tomorrow morning.

The shit part is going back on the diet.

Oh well, you can’t have everything when you’re trying to lose something!

The morning went well. I was rid of Granny by noon (feigning sickness again) and drove out the shrine. Quite the scene out there in the middle of the green Alabama countryside - that huge church, 18th century replica mini castle and fine brick piazza. It’s amazing how much money the Catholic Church possesses and all the donations that went into building that monument to God on the hillside. It was strange to see the religious B&B’s along the way. I mean what happens in a religious B&B? I imagine the breakfast being Holy Ghost Toast, Eggs Pope John Paul Benedict, O Holy Name Oats… each wall plastered with a beloved Saint. Virgin Mary centerpiece at the table with all heads bowed in prayer before mealtime.

Yep, goin’ straight to hell folks.

Oh well, you can take the Catholic out of the church but sometimes you can’t take the Catholic out of the Annie. Now mind you I was brought up with two religions - Buddhism (Korean - my grandparents took me to temple every month) and Catholic (my father was Roman Catholic and GUILT was deeply ingrained within us). I was AGNOSTIC for about 3 years, atheist for a few more, anarchist for a few months and just plain assanine the entire the time. At some point I drifted back to mild buddhism and now I float around not truly being faithful to any religion. It’s like cooking - take a little bit of this and a dash of that…. it works for me.

After all, I AM a little bit of this and a dash of that myself.

Every now and then I enter the Catholic church - sometimes for pious reasons (my mother not being well, my brother jobless, my father a cold hearted jerk - oops did I say that?) and sometimes for selfish reasons (I like the art in a church, the stillness, the pews, the up down, up down, pray, kneel etc of the catholic mass rhythm or else I’ve been pretty goddamn horrible and figure a little face time might make my life on earth a bit easier?). So today I went for Moms. She would have liked this joint. An altar brandished in the most (gosh - I want to say tacky - but that might get me…. no no ) gold adorned curvy pieces and an absolutely beautiful statue of Queen Virgin Mary. It was interesting that Jesus was on the cross but not directly in front of the pews - rather he adorned a side wall. Must be because this particular shrine was founded by a nun?! Maybe not - maybe some deep Catholic secret only known to those who leave the secular life? Or perhaps there was no room after you put up so much ornate gold curly q’s stuff all over the front? OH GOODNESS - YOU DID NOT SAY THAT ANNNIIIEEEE!

BTW -is anyone joining me in the flames of eternal damnation? We should get a mocha frapaccino or something down there….

Ah hell, who am I kidding? I also believe that when you die you go on a special kind of carnival ride in which you pay the nickel (you have two nickels - one on each eye - you pay the entry fee with one and buy yourself a fizzy ice cold grape pop with the other) and sit in the plush red velvet seat as the curtain is drawn and your rickety trolley heads through heavy dark purple curtains into the swirling dark clouds of time itself. Now you can jump out whenever you want to live life in the prehistoric age, victorian, etc etc etc. You can look up old friends, old enemies, you can watch your parents grow up if you want. You can fast forward through the ugly parts. My favorite is being there when you’re an infant and being present as you grow up. To touch your own hair and kiss those chubby baby feet. You can jump into anyone’s life to see how it was like Anais Nin? Virginia Woolf? Charlie Chaplain? Anybody you want - you could actually be there smelling, hearing, tasting - etc! That’s my idea of life after death - then you can go willy wonka yourself out - complete with Gene Wilder and the oompa loompas - or decide to come back as a roach in NYC or Paris Hilton? It’s all up to you.

Sky is the limit.

Now back to reality. Ah the South; I thought I would see some horrible shit - but luckily I’ve driven down a few country roads to see the races mingling under the hood of that pick up in the front yard with both sets of kids running through the grass. Grandparents sittin on the front porch watchin kids play in the yard. Middle to lower class folks who could live side by side in decent sized homes with yards. I didn’t get to see the gritty, broken glass, debris and depressed folk sitting in front of the dilapidated housing projects that I’ve become so accustomed to where I’m from. I got to see strong African American schools and youth. I got to see pride in the faces of children and not sadness. No doubt the South has a lot of problems and I’m sure that in some areas it’s quite terrible. But I’ve been fortunate enough to see strong families and some pretty responsible youth. Who knows maybe it’s been an unusually good few days here in the South. But the difference is quite remarkable. A strong sense of community - that’s what I see and it’s a good thing.

The green open spaces have definitely caught my attention. I’ve never seen so many different hues of foliage. It amazed me how the blue sky melded in with the emerald green of the tops of those trees. It gives me a little hope for that Utopia of all races living together in harmony. That warms my heart. I want to take a few weeks to really check out the South. Take a road trip through all the Southern States and really take a look at life in another part of the world, really. I feel like I got checked on this trip of my ’snooty’ sense of where I live vs what’s out in the world. Hate is everywhere, it’s more apparent in some areas than others. I’m not sayin’ this is a perfect place by any means, but it doesn’t appear to be that utter cesspool of ignorance that I braced myself for.

Well, I had my last BBQ meal - yeah yeah I know - there’s hair growing on my chest and I’m walking a bit funny because of my hooves but honestly that fried green tomatoes stuff can’t put me off meat - with the right sauce I’m sure any asshole man would probably taste.. AHEM. I’m a goddamn carnivore. too bad the ice box pie was such a bust. yuck.

I bought 100.00 worth of salvation at the shrine for momma so she should really like that…. gotta mail that out once I get home.

Fuck.

Where is that STIMULUS check when you need it?

Hey buddy - can you spare a dime?