My sleep has been horrendous. Hoping tonight will be miraculously different….
I have 3 court reports to do tomorrow. Now mind you, I had 3 to do today but somehow didn’t manage to do any of them! Meanwhile, I did manage to go to the gym today for a hot minute. It was ok. I wasn’t thrilled. I wished I was thrilled, but I wasn’t. I didn’t have some epiphany that would change my life. I just realized that exercise is a necessary evil. It’s still going to be a goddamn struggle.
Afterwards, I went to the drugstore and bought hair dye as well as a package of dark chocolate raisinettes which I ate on the way home. I figured it was 1/2 the workout that I ate up.
I suck.
That’s all there is to it. To add insult to injury I got a call from YMCA yesterday saying that it had been a month and we should talk. Homeboy got fired from his job yesterday. Why was I not surprised? We talked a bit and he said he wanted to see me. Now there’s nothing that’ll dry a pussy up than a man with no job. No matter how good that dick was before - it’s dead to me now. I do not want to get sucked into this shit…I WILL NOT get sucked into this shit. He’s obviously lookin’ for momma and I am so not reprising my oscar winning role again. I offered him words of encouragement, understanding and frankly let him know that he needs to take inventory of what he’s doing - introspection and realization of your work ethic will make a difference for you if you do it honestly. He said that this is the 3rd job in 3 years that he’s been fired from and he felt like a loser. Yep. I told him that he needs to get on his feet again and look for work. He wants to get together to buy me lunch - nope. Not going to do it. I just need to stay away from this… look after me. I don’t want to be mean or anything but it’s time I stop worrying about other people’s feelings and get with my own.
Meanwhile, Shopaholic met a dude online - an artist who also teaches at community college. He’s 34, very intelligent and they spent 4 hours on the phone last night. Wow. That bitch barely lasts 30 minutes on any given phone call. I joked with her today, ‘What a difference a dick makes no?’ She laughed but I was serious 
She’s going to meet him this week before she goes to Miami and she’s nervous. She’s afraid of falling in love and making him the center of her world. I let her know that it’s a risk we all take, but she has a solid life outside of relationships and she definitely has the support system that will help her out should she feel like she’s coming undone. Poor thing, it’s hard to get your heart fucked up and then be in fear of it getting fucked up again. She’ll be alright. But sharing her feelings were nice…it felt like old times again.
Meanwhile, LA is working out 4 times a week, getting her eyebrows, bush, underarms, upper lip lasered off and botoxing her non existent wrinkles away. Hmmmm, now if I weren’t a complete CAT I would say that someone is feeling a bit insecure in their relationship with Mr. Musician surrounded by 22 year old hotties all the time. She told me last night that her goal is to be as sexy as possible. Man, that’s gotta be tough. She’s marveling at how now when she laughs real hard she’s got ‘NO LINES!’ because of the botox. Now that’s pretty amazing… a little unnerving too. I’m pretty glad my shots don’t give me Nicole Kidman tautness - I have lines when I smile. I think that’s ok because shit - it’s real. 
I reminded her that women can totally tell when you’ve had it done because they know what to look for…c’mon when you see a woman in her 30’s with no laugh lines - you best believe she’s up to something.
Hold on while I cough up a fur ball.
Meanwhile, my online tarot card was the SUN which is supposed to be the equivalent of winning the jackpot. A fantastic fabulous good omen. Hmmmm. The EFT didn’t work last night for a good night’s sleep.
Magical thinking? I don’t know I suppose it has a use…
Today at lunch, my co-worker who watched the Bravo ‘thin’ thing - somehow it wasn’t on when I tried to look for it the other night. She taught me the setting down the utensil and chewing the food thing at lunch. It was amazing how it slowed everything down, made me chew my food and actually allowed me to taste it. In the end I left more than half on the plate! Amazing! But now it takes practice and tonight - I wolfed down an organic spinach pizza and a salad without taking a breath.
Mental note - try it at home. HEIFER!
Shit, it’s already 8:44 and I haven’t done my hair yet. Maybe I’ll just do it this weekend. I don’t feel like it tonight.
I looked through the real estate website and spotted out some homes. Gotta keep myself on track. The big picture.
Oh yeah, my co-worker - we’ll call her Filipino Princess - she’s a mom of an 8 year old and a two year old. Now her two year old son is part of a twin who died shortly after birth. We had lunch today and she told me that she’s going to go to a bereavement group as part of her church because she feels that she’s neglecting her daughter’s emotional needs and she’s suffering from depression. She told me that after the baby died, she went into survival mode and tried to shut out her feelings in order to maintain her family. She never really grieved but now she feels she has to get her life back. She told me that when her daughter was born her heart swelled so big that she felt it filled the delivery room. That made me tear up. How beautiful is that? She wants to get close with her daughter again. She’s also afraid that by opening up the damn that it might overcome her as she has an acquaintance that lost twins at childbirth and is still in a treatment center. She’ll be alright - I let her know that I thought she should get individual counseling as well just to fortify herself.
I can’t imagine what that would be like? To lose love has nearly extinguished my life - let alone the loss of a child. I let her know how brave and strong she was to do this for herself & her daughter. Sometimes ordinary people do extraordinary things.
Lovely.
Ok I’d better skidaddle! I’ve got to sleep so I can work my ass tomorrow
