! trANNsformation BaBy !

I feel like a recovering alcoholic locked in a goddamn bar that happens to look like my apartment.

I will tell you this…

It was horrible. I stood in front of the refrigerator debating whether or not to completely fuck this goddamn diet or to hang in there. Sometimes this question happened while sitting on my couch, while doing the dishes, while taking a shower, while getting dressed, you get the picture here….

It literally became physical at one point so I broke down and throughout the afternoon managed to eat 3 pieces of laughing cow wedges as well as 2 mango chicken sausages. Horrible. I really wanted to eat a bowl of cereal, coupla Activa yogurts and who knew a 100 calorie bag of popcorn could cause me such agony.

I nearly broke down completely, then realized that if I did this I would turn to binging to ease the pain, therefore causing more damage. It was so bad and felt so horrible.

Why can’t I manage doing something normal and healthy? This starving shit is just not pretty. A cup of cocoa, a SB cereal bar (140 calories), a MF soup is just not enough. I should have had an MF shake before I hit the cheese/sausage circuit.

Fuck. I don’t remember it being that bad last time. DAMN.

So Medifast today was more like Chicken Sausage & Cheese fest today.

The goddamn Hoodia DID NOT WORK.

I’m going to have a Medifast shake now before I leave to pick up Ghettro for dinner.

I let her know I was eating salad.

WTF?