Wow, it’s already 11:33pm - time flies. Will I ever get any beauty sleep? I think not and that’s why I’m all jacked up…. oh well. Like age & stress have nothing to do with it….
Food: MF oatmeal, tea, yesterdays scrambled eggs/shrimp for lunch, suga free gum (2 pieces), 2 grapes (shit - I broke), coffee from starbucks w/ 3/4 cup non fat milk (shit - that was probably too much milk - but whatever - I woulda rather had a soy mocha - so take that!), dinner out -
So let’s leap into the date ok?
Fuck work.
It sucked.
Where’s my goddamn period?!
So as I walked to the cafe to meet him, I suddenly realized that it had been so long since I’ve seen him that I may not remember what he looked like. So I began to scan the faces for a homey looking man with no hair and a bit of a paunch… then he appeared and greeted me. Yep, now I remember what he looked like - homey but somehow ‘charlie brown’ cute. I just kept picturing him in that yellow sweater with that brown zig zag…. anyhoo he suggests dinner (right on - NO SnACKS!) and we walk into a very casual joint (not impressed as there were really nice joints across the street - but ok - I’m game).Then in typical man fashion he starts in on his day etc. etc. etc… but he asks if I want an appetizer (good - it woulda been better had you just said ‘what should we get for appetizerS?’ This tells me that you’re not a cheap ass and you’re willing to pay for more than one - but hell, this would only happen if I were dating myself - so shit - give him a brownie point). I pick the prosciutto melone (yum yum - can you say MEAT & fruit?), after I ask if he likes clams - Nope, no seafood for this dude - but he does recover nicely and say, ‘Oh, get it if you like it - don’t mind me.’ Cool (brownie point #2 - indicates that perhaps he’ll indulge me in other food that he finds heinous - but at the same time, a fleeting thought - no, no - I’m sure he gives oral.) *well damn - it did cross my mind*
I eyeball the cioppino (17.83) - I decide against it ($$), look at the grilled fish (Market Price - $$$$$ - god knows how much that will cost - nope can’t do that either) so I settle for the ole chicken in red sauce (aka caccitore). No problem, he grapples over the menu - I playfully suggest the roasted rabbit. Yes I can be playful - after all I did envision your mouth on my vag a second ago…. He decides to order the spaghetti & meatballs but claims that he’s ashamed because he normally orders ‘fancy’ stuff. Suddenly I regret not ordering that MARKET PRICE shit….after all we’re not across the street.
So he talks about his old relationship, his ex partner, his father being raped in his youth therefore explaining the emotional abuse he suffered, his mother who is also verbally abusive due to her own abuse, his bout with smoking weed for 3 months 8 years ago for ‘creative purposes’, his Carnegie Mellon MBA (5 brownie points - I had to draw out the name of the school because he’s not a name dropper - he was telling me about a musical he wrote for his graduate class - 1 more brownie point for not dropping names - cuz fuck - I woulda figured out a way to do it), his house in San Ramon (5 more brownie points for having a home w/pool & pool house nestled on a quiet cul de sac against the back drop of a golf course - 5 brownie points for myself for restraining myself from asking how many bedrooms it had & purchase price. I got this outta him by asking him how he was able to sleep in the noisy city - SHIT give me another brownie point for being such a slick bitch) and the fact that he wants kids of his own (carefully done with praise for his attempts at parenting his nephews by instilling them with self esteem).
The downsides: this man can talk about himself till the goddamn cows get quartered into pristine plastic wrapped porterhouses and the remaining glistening gristle fertilizes the goddamn pasture; he has been to a fucking LIFE COACH; he says ‘black people’, he told me about his history of low self esteem, confidence & personal relationships wrought by addiction; he told me that his father was raped?! yikes - we’re not even in session folks; he picked the cannoli over the tiramisu while commenting to the waiter,’Oh, both of those have so much cream in them!’ - I’m sorry - for a minute there I wondered which one of us had the VAG?! WTF?, the cheap restaurant, announcing ‘You need to go to the bathroom?’ when I turned around to figure out where it was after dinner, the CHEAP RESTAURANT and not making the next date at the car (I just love it when they do that - it means they are SMITTEN).
The upsides: He works his ass off and he likes it. It sounds like the man does quite well. He does not brag about it, if you listen closely you can hear who he has contracts with (apple, boeing, etc) and somewhere in the distance you can hear coins cascading out of the dating man machine - this guy will never have the conversation with you about wanting to reverse the gender roles; he is sensitive (shit, perhaps more than you), he is tolerant (can you say co-dependent? - shit - it’s about time someone else was); he likes kids and wants his own (only after his ass does a little more therapy to flush out those childhood traumas - shit - He considers being called names and put down trauma - how about getting fucked, beat and called names? Sounds like he grew up in Disneyland); he has a nice house that he rents out to an older gentleman for a reduced rate; he sends one of his employees who is dangerously overweight to a nutritionist & pays for his gym membership (after the man told him he was worried about his health) because he believes that treating people well is good for the bottom line and he said that he wants the guy to be around for his young children - like that - it’s fucking innovative - I can’t even get a new stapler remover from my shit job; he’s creative & fun (he’s written 3 books, a musical, he plays guitar & piano, he tells jokes - there’s some genuine joy in those blue eyes); he’s a geek (who looks at his blackberry and shows me pictures of the Homer Simpson doll he won at a carnival with his nephews - remember he gave himself a reminder to call me one night and it went off during our phone call? gotta love that type of dork - no missed anniversaries, birthdays, first date, first time I sucked your dick type events - shit isn’t that when you get that diamond necklace? Not that I would take it - I’m anti diamonds - just give me the cash baby! ); he shared one of his two meatballs with me (isn’t there a Disney movie where two dogs slurp the spaghetti?; I dig Charlie Brown; we have the exact same birthdays; I wondered what the sex would be like 3 minutes after meeting him…..
So I did my part - I acknowledged his creativity, genuinely laughed at some of his jokes (faked the others), told him that he looked fine when he grabbed his belly to show me he needed to exercise (he shyly replied, thank you), let him tell me what he thought the WBO meant, provided him with a bit of free therapy about how great he’s done by overcoming his difficult childhood, offered suggestions on screening employees (which he liked) and made sure I was completely present (well ok, almost completely present) during his stories. Damn - who could ask for anything more - shit I even held my stomach in while I was sitting. SHIT - I worked it - despite the bad food.
So he walked me to my car and I thanked him for the fun evening. I told him that if something is important that you have to carve time out for it. He responds, ‘Like we did by meeting each other tonight right?’. Yes, I say. I open up the arms for a hug - he walks into it and comes straight for my face. Oh shit - I gracefully let his kiss land on my cheek and reciprocate with one of my own on his bristly cheek. We chat a bit more and he awkwardly says, ‘I’m gonna catch up with you’. I tell him I’m looking forward to it. He makes that little smile sound while he’s saying goodbye, the one he does when we hang up on the phone - you know when you can hear someone smiling? It’s very cute.
He’s a genuinely nice man - let’s see if he handles this right. Hopefully he’ll recognize a good thing. But if he doesn’t - hell - I’m kinda thinking that when things don’t work out it’s because something better is waiting for me out there….
Gosh, I’m beat.
It ain’t easy ;)….
*Disclaimer: the use of semi-colons in this blog has not been sanctioned by any grammatical body - please do not attempt this at home*
Well I guess if you stop bleeding you stop breeding so I should be grateful 