! trANNsformation BaBy !

Yep, all the stars, moon and suns lined up this mornin’ and my f(abulous- be positive now, be positive. Shit - fake it) ass got up on the scale. Weighed myself with the t-shirt on - then decided that obviously that t-shirt was heavy, so bra & undies on - nope- still somethin was wrong - OK, now BUCK NEKKID in the kitchen and hell it was the same.

187 pds - so this week I only lost 2 pounds. I was hecka distraught. What a bitch, gain a pound freak the fuck out, don’t lose 15 pounds in one week and I’m mad. Then I started the self positive talk (somethin I’m tryin to do) - hey it’s all good, you lost weight, you’re doin good, good job homegirl…. etc. Then I got really spiteful and pulled out those pair of GAP jeans (16) that I couldn’t get into even when I bought it and PRESTO - it slid up and NO MUFFIN TOP. My stuff was all tucked in nicely. I was TRIPPIN! Literally cause I was hoppin to the mirror.

Get your freak on, get your freak on!!!! Man, I was so happy!

The food went well today, I even sniffed the hell out of my friend’s donuts and didn’t even want a bite. Just smelling them was so wonderful! I even managed to try a pilates class at the gym after my cardio stuff. It was hella hard, you know I just don’t have abdominals; I’ve never had them even as a newborn. But you know what, I can crack the hell outta some walnuts with my jaw…

So at 4:00pm exactly, the phone rings. It’s my size 4 bff in LA, (Master Cleanse Diet) she whispers, ‘Hey, I’m hungry - I quit.’ I immediately commend her on her efforts and who in the hell could starve themselves for a day? She then says emphatically, ‘ Well you know, I am such a healthy eater - I don’t need to do this. My system is cleaner than anyone I know.’ ‘Yes, yes’ I reply. ‘You’re absolutely right.’ After all, no one wants to feel like a failure….

Then a smile crept across my face (yes, I am a demon) - ‘big girls’ are strong. We’re hella strong. We’re the ones who can endure our thin friends and their body issues with kindness, we’re the ones who are always available to listen to your problems no matter what time you call, we pick you up when you’re down, we cheer you on, we’re bedside when you’re sick, we watch your purses while you’re out on the dance floor, we cheerfully run out to get you that smaller size while you’re in the dressing room, we can even manage a smile when we hear ‘You’ve got such a pretty face”, we can starve, pinch, pull ourselves and put ourselves on every masochistic diet in the universe….

So sistas - I raise my cup (water) to all of us….

I bought a scale at the most expensive place in the world Linen & Things - yeah, 20% off coupon will get you a few dollas off that expensive shit you really shouldn’t be buyin! I left that expensive thing in the CAR! I gotta go down there and get it since tomorrow is weigh in for me….

My food was not good today - I had a shake for breakfast which was cool - then lunch I had a cup of MF soup and around 3:30 I had a MF bar. Then I didn’t eat again until like 7:30 - came home and made sukiyaki (which is ok on MF) - it was cool eating shirayaki noodles (yam, no carbs/no calories). I love sukiyaki anyways so it was cool to make it at home and enjoy it. I had a small salad though too - which probably means that I ate too many veggies today. I didn’t work out either. But hopefully I won’t pay the price at tomorrows weigh in… I’ll be alright. It’s not like I ate a cheesecake! I decided to skip the last 2 meals because I probably ate more food.

Shit - they’re drinking oj on TV! I love OJ!
Oops sorry, distraction. So anyhoo, gotta tell you that my skinny ass bff is down in LA doin the ‘Master Cleanse’ lemon water, molasses cayenne pepper thing. So today she called me like 4 times because she’s hungry as hell. I actually don’t understand why homegirl insists on torturing herself when she is like a size 4? WTF? Then I guess I should obliterate myself from the face of this earth! So of course, I played supportive, but frankly I was thinkin’ - if you hold out for more than 3 days - I’ll shit myself.

Meanwhile in other worthless news - my other girlfriend gave me her bare escentuals stuff that I’ve been wantin - the only shit thing is that it’s expired - the jars said this is the last month. Wonder what that means? She gave me the brushes and everything so I can always go into the store and ask em. The powder foundation is only 25.00? The money is the brushes. I wanna get the powder with the sunscreen built in - shit I already pile on LaRosay Poche 15 (meroxyl) then I wrap it up with the Neutrogena 55. This retinol stuff can make you even more skin sensitive but what’s worse - lookin 40 or bein a little sun phobic? Call me vain ladies but hell, I’m all I got! Whippin all my shit into shape - face, figure…. well maybe not everything (my studio needs some whippin into shape).

So it’s 11:35pm and I’m scared shitless about tomorrows weigh in. I slapped that new thin scale (25.00 with 20% discount) on my kitchen floor and weighed my water (gallon). But then I figured out that I had no idea how much that should weigh. (Must be my haole side) Girls - a genius is born.

Oh yeah, some interesting news - I actually got a text from the salesman. I texted back - basically it’s a grown man bitchin about how his daughter got stung by a bee and why couldn’t this happen when she’s with her mother. I replied, ‘Because it’s the perfect opportunity for her to realize that Daddy can make it all better too.’ Why are men such dumb asses? Ok, maybe not all men…. but shit get with the program Mr. Part time Dad - women deal with this and so much more 24/7.

Well it’s time to take it to bed…. you bet your bottom dollar I’ll be lettin you know how 3 weeks of this MF’n diet has gone tomorrow.
Sweet dreams - xo

It was a beautiful day today in the Bay Area, bright, sunny and slightly windy. I noticed it immediately when I opened my blinds and crawled back into bed. What the fuck am I doing up at 7:45 on my day off? Then as I lay there savoring an explicit dream, the alarm goes off - classical music fills the space. WTF????!!!!! Why is it going off today when I set that thing on Friday night so I wouldn’t miss that fuckin ballet class I paid for on Saturday morning?????? What the hell? Wonders never cease.

So I made oatmeal pancakes this mornin’ and realized that baking soda is considered a condiment - oh. Well, so is salad dressing so that’s means I’ve been a bit amiss in my eating. All I gots to say is it betta NOT affect my weigh in or somebody is gettin hurt!

So today I went to a BBQ (bought 37.00 worth of chips,salsa, strawberry cake and watermelon) - I ate lovely food - shrimps (grilled), some sukiyaki meat, a tiny piece of pork and grilled eggplant. It was great. Diet splenda coke with lime (yucky) and took home a piece of grilled chicken breast. It was great! Nope, didn’t eat anything that I wasn’t supposed to and that was nearly as good as the food! It was GREAT! Did I say that?!

Then I went off to the gym, nearly totally empty. ‘Member what I said about gettin a life…. But it’s all good-I am workin towards a goal. I know it will pay off - I just know it will. I’m stayin strong. I wonder what it would be like to slide into a size 14? And maybe, just maybe a size 12 someday? That’s what I want.

I feel pretty lousy today - feels like the ole . is comin and my belly hurts. I just had a shake and have 2 more things to eat. I got a letter from HR for the school district and they’ll be callin me in to discuss salary as well as process paperwork soon - so wish me luck in tryin to get more money outta them…..

I guess this upcomin’ week I need to find out what staying with City & County will do for me if I stay for five years.

Changes…. big changes comin down the pipeline. Here’s to change y’all - let’s do it TOGETHER!!!!!

How to characterize today…. LAZY? I did manage to go to the gym for a while, then I came home and had an incredible salad (3 weeks ago you would have never heard me say this) and now I’ve got 3 things left to eat. It’s already 4:15 and I sit here having sat in the tub for about 30 minutes feeling rather relaxed - deeply inhaling the lovely scent of grapefruit. (I heard that it curbs hunger and cravings so I bought an essential oil and decided to use it as a fragrance. It stings a bit though…. )

I felt hungry today despite the ole citrimax, so I’m just about to take another one. That’ll make three today - the recommended amount.

Weird, so I’ve got to tell this strange story - I went to Prague and Vienna last year (Aug?) with my bff (sometimes) and met the cutest Indian boy on the way home. He is a graduate from Carnegie Mellon and he works for a firm as a strategist in DC. He was so incredibly sweet and such a damn cutie that despite my lack of makeup and 12 hour jet lag face (not to mention my breath), I forgot who I was ( a plus size woman) and struck up a conversation with him after I woke up. I got his e-mail address and we’ve been emailing on and off now for the past year! It’s wild. Nothing gross, no improper stuff… just a little bit of innocent flirting. He doesn’t write very often but we’ve always said we were going to get together. This was even before all my MF shit. Anyhoo, he writes me a few days ago asking for my number and he just called and left me a message. It’s so weird, he sounds so different! I guess I’ll call him tomorrow.. why rush? We’re supposed to be getting together at the end of next month if his schedule permits. That should be wild…. so weird the whole chance airplane meeting and now the possiblity of meeting each other?! WILD. Wouldn’t it be a great story to tell our kids? Yep, there you go - jumpin the gun. Who knows how old that boy is - I guess he’s in his early 30’s? But you know it rocked my world that this cutie and I have some type of connection - shit even if it’s CARNAL! Let’s see if it pans out. Shit, I’ll be lucky because I will be lighter than I was when he met me on the plane! Wouldn’t that be cool? Hopefully another opportunity to get into some trouble - gosh knows I haven’t been ‘in trouble’ for nearly 4 years this September! Yeah - it’s been that fuckin’ long. CRAZY! Guess I’m savin it for the right person? I could say somethin self depracatin but why? I’ve torn myself up enough. I won’t get negative right now… Happy faces ladies, happy faces!

Let’s see, my brother called - he just got his box of Nutrisystem today so he’s a bit hesitant about starting immediately. He hears me agonizing over hunger and missing food that he’s a bit wary. I encouraged him to start when he’s ready but don’t wait to long - don’t lose the fire and great things happen if you stick with it. So I think he’ll start soon. I want it to work for him, I just want him to be happy.

Well, that’s about all that’s fit to print right now. I imagine tomorrow will be more of the same - me goin to the gym and working out then coming home and hopefully not vegging out. I didn’t want to do anything this weekend. I just want to chill, read and just enjoy this the end of my 3rd week on MF. I need to buy a scale at some point, but I hate to go to COSTCO, Target on the weekends - its so damn crowded….. but somethin needs to be done before Tuesday because that was the last time I weighed in…. if you don’t count the beauty spa yesterday.

BTW, Where is my period? My fat is probably shocked right now and so all my system is on pause. It better come quick though - I’d like to get it over with!

Have a good day everyone - do somethin good for yourself! I am gonna be lazy as hell, lay around, read, watch another movie and just plain be a bum…….