What can I say? I’ve been a bit neglectful of my wonderful little blog. Partly because I’ve been struggling with keeping things on track and partly because I just haven’t made the time for it. I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal stress and obstacles these last few weeks.
First and foremost has been my relationship with my husband. Who is soon become my ex-husband. We finally came to the decision to end our relationship. I guess really, I finally came to the decision with him. I think he decided on it a long time ago but I’ve been resisting. I don’t really know why other than the fear of what ending it might bring. Loneliness. Rejection. Pain.
But honestly, I’ve been feeling all those things for the last 14 months anyway so letting it finally be over was actually, surprisingly, freeing. The minute I said the words to him (”I think you need to go ahead and file for a divorce”), it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I started to feel better than I have in months. Better about me. Better about what the future might hold.
I’m still going through some ups and downs with it right now and there’s a part of me that still misses him. But I know that I am better off without him. All the bitterness and anger I have been holding on to the last several months just seemed to melt away when I finally realized I had the strength to let him go.
And in that moment, it was like something just clicked in me and I started to get back on track with my program and doing the things I need to do to be a happier, healthier me. When I weighed this morning, I was actually at 280. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve been hovering between 283-288 for the past couple of weeks and it felt wonderful to finally break that barrier and start moving back down the scale.
I’m still struggling with food a little but it’s getting much easier to say “No” to the things I know that I don’t need. I’ve been working out a little more regularly although I hate to admit I’ve been VERY neglectful of my bike. I haven’t ridden in almost 2 weeks. Only consolation for this week is that I bought some “10 Minute Trainer” videos and have worked out with them a bit. Today being the exception but I’m still pretty sore from yesterdays work out. Who knew 10 minutes could do so much???
I made a bold step and put myself up on a dating website. Some people may think it’s too soon but honestly, I haven’t been in a relationship for over a year now. There’s been no love, no emotion in my relationship with my ex-husband. (Not even the occasional booty call) Perhaps I should wait until the divorce is finalized but really, why? There is no way that there will be a last minute reconciliation so I’d rather just get back in that saddle and start moving forward again.
So here I go. Recreating my life. Recreating me. And hopefully somewhere along this journey I’ll find someone who can appreciate the me that I am becoming and will continue becoming. I am a work in progress. And I like the way I am progressing.
Hopefully I’ll be around here posting more updates and pictures of my new hotness. 
Posted on July 22nd, 2008 by angierue
Filed under: General
When I finally left my ex after a long drawn out bad relationship I felt like you do. We had no intimacy for over a year before the final split - not even a peck much less, as you put it, a ‘booty call’. We didn’t even sleep in the same bed, or spend time together doing anything. We even watched TV in different rooms when he was in town…oh yes, he was out of town 4-5 days a week too. When I finally made the decision to leave I felt free, more free than I had in a long time. And because our relationship hadn’t existed in so long I felt ready to date too.
So you aren’t the only person out there who has been in this situation, and you shouldn’t feel guilty at all. Enjoy the feeling and keep working on YOU.
You look awesome BTW!
Are you coming back?