Things are going okay.  I’ve been eating like a crazed rhino this week but generally am losing weight (slowly).  The end of the quarter is nearing, at which point I will have a three week break, which happens to coincide with a somewhat dead time in my project schedule at work.  I plan to get reacquainted with blogging every day, during that time.  But until then, keep on truckin and stay positive, ladies!  

I have had almost no time to write on this blog- my partner on the documentary film I’ve been working on this year and I decided about a month ago to start a web marketing business and adding those additional 30 hours per week on top of school, the movie, my personal life and the needs of my dogs has put me into stress overload.  Also, writing overload- I’m responsible for the blog text on our own website, for the text for the three website projects we have for the business and I’m also working very hard on my This American Life internship application.  The business is actually going great and I am feeling fulfilled and happy in most aspects of my life.  Fortunately, this means that I have had not much time to eat junk food or laze about.  I have not exactly been on a strict diet but I’ve been somewhat restrictive about what I eat- until today.  Today I ate a footlong subway sandwich and a whole box of white cheddar cheezits- I have no excuse; I was actually sitting around relaxing, chomping down crackers, when all of a sudden I realized the whole damn box was gone.  I also ate about fifteen mini-carrots with hummus.  I now feel sick and bloated from the crackers, but I’m moving on from it.  I am actually losing weight, but I feel I really need to work up a regular exercise schedule.  Watching the Olympics this past week has really made me miss regular swimming (and how about that adorable swimming machine Michael Phelps, hmm?  I don’t feel a swelling of patriotic pride too often given the current administration, but watching him accomplish what he did really makes me feel proud of America).  I know I’ve mentioned this before and I’ve been swimming occasionally at the college pool, but I think maybe a regular swimming regimen might be my way out of this mess.  I swam competitively for years when I was younger (and I was very good at it and that workout never felt like a chore) and always loved it.  I ordered a new racing swimsuit today and I’m going to pick up some goggles and a swim cap tomorrow.  I’m going to try to swim in the mornings and get on a more regulated sleeping schedule.  I’m an unreformed night owl and I largely control my own schedule so some nights I stay up until five or six in the morning and then wake up very late.  I do my best work between 7pm and 1 am.  But I think a 10 to 11 am swim and 9 am wakeup time might help me get into the regimented mindframe I need to maintain a diet.  I think this is a good, workable exercise plan to supplement dog walks and stationary biking. I’ve got to get back in good shape.

I’ve literally had no time to write lately- I am stretched to maximum capacity in terms of work and hours in the day right now.  The diet is off track- not badly, but I’m having good days and bad days, and I haven’t been getting enough exercise.  Five weeks until the wedding and I need to be able to wear my sexy dress with the pride of the consistent exerciser and dieter. This weekend I’m doing a thorough cleaning of my filthy, chaotic house and cooking a bunch of healthy food for consumption during the next week or two.  That will make me feel better; I’m also going to take a long hike with the dogs and complete the art project I started last weekend.  And I’m going to eat lightly and healthfully.  That’s the plan.

Drove to Yakima today; did not eat all day (unless you count five diet pepsis), then went to dinner with my sister, Thai food.  Ate 3 small spring rolls (fried, not the healthiest choice but i was freaking STARVED), and phad see ew- rice noodles with broccoli, chicken, egg, bean sprouts, soy and peanut sauce.  After dinner I ate a piece of chocolate at my grandmothers new apartment and two low-calorie fudgecicles (60 calories apiece and actually quite satisfying).  I need to eat three squares tomorrow and not let this erratic eating schedule continue.  Just because I am at my parents house does not mean I will binge or neglect exercise as a crucial component of my day (say three times, then repeat!).  Wish me luck- parents house is always a food trap for me.  I will be happy on Monday if I have exercised all three days and not had a binge episode of any kind.  That’s my goal.

Things are going all right, mostly staying on track.  I’m having more trouble sticking to my exercise plan, as I’ve been smoking too much and there’s nothing that takes the fun out of working out like smoking five cigarettes immediately beforehand.  I’m still having trouble feeling motivated and in control but generally things are going fine.  I ate a chicken breast Subway sandwich today (half at 11 am and half at 3), one donut and a ginger ale (I don’t know, I was hanging out with my pregnant buddy, things just got away from me).  Tomorrow will be great.

Well, today was horrible.  I didn’t eat all day (busy, stressed, don’t know), then at nine I ate a bacon cheeseburger with fries.  I never, ever eat fast food, even when I’m off my diet plan and steer clear of even homemade hamburgers, usually, but once I got it in my head, it was like the car steered itself.  Fuck.  

Also, this is an easy, elegant, reasonable desert to bring to any party (I just made one today for my knocked up friend and her future husband), and not a terribly guilt inducing one either.In a cuisinart or food processor, grind up one box organic ginger snaps with five or six tablespoons low fat margarine spread until it is crumbly.  Press this down into a pie or small cake pan.  Place sliced peaches, nectarines or pears (my favorite is ripe nectarines) in one layer atop the bottom crust.  Brush with orange or apricot marmalade or preserves mixed with about an ounce of warm water.  Bake for 20-25 minutes.  This is a delicious desert, served with sour cream or creme fraiche or just by it’s lonesome.  It can also be made into a delicious vegan pastry by replacing the butter or margarine used in the normal recipe with Earth Balance or another non-dairy spread.  I know desert recipes are pretty much the LAST thing I should be posting in a diet blog but as someone who does a lot of cooking and entertaining, I’m always looking for easy convenient recipes that use seasonal ingredients and are tasty and fast. Enjoy!

My computer is acting up a bit again, so I’m hoping it’s not a preview of another spectacular technological shutdown.  Decent day today.        Food breakdown: no breakfast.  For lunch, I ate about two thirds of a teriyaki meal (rice, teriyaki chicken, chicken katsu, seaweed salad).  I had a big gap between lunch at noon and the next time I ate, at nine pm: a salad with 1 can tuna, lettuce, carrots, tomatoes and olives, with sesame vinaigrette.  I also ate about two servings of cheese (an incredible farm-made gouda from austria that I splurged on and was worth every penny) and sliced turkey, and five ginger snaps (dammit).  I have a very busy next couple of days and I’m just going to try to stay the course.  No exercise today, save for a brief dog walk this morning. 

Well, immediately following my claims of rededication to the diet plan and  the blog, my computer went into a complicated, incomprehensible shutdown that took nearly two weeks for the Mac store to make any sense of it.  During that time, I’ve been somewhat off track, but not horrifyingly so.  I am trying to get a handle on it and now I really have to: my best pal’s wedding was supposed to be next July, but she’s preggers, as it turns out (surprising, but happy news, considering Nancy’s wanted a baby for as long as I’ve known her), so it got bumped up to the middle of September.  I’ll have to wear a dress- she’s letting all four bridesmaids pick out black dresses in whatever style and configuration our hearts desire (bless her!).  The one I picked out is sexy and one-shouldered and form fitting enough that I am trying to somehow reconcile the literally thousands of situps that must be done before this event, as well as the ritual bridesmaid starvation and the why-am-I-not-married-yet blind panic that is at every second threatening to break loose from it’s mental chain and cause me to devolve into a raving, man-chasing lunatic.  So, back to the diet, pronto.  My food breakdown of the day was not great:  for breakfast I ate a wheat english muffin with one egg, sliced chicken, lite mayo and a tomato.  No lunch, but I did stuff a handful of stale tortilla chips down my throat around three.  Dinner was wheat pasta (all pasta has become my arch enemy for the next month and a half) with basil, tomatoes and steak.  Eh, could have been worse.  Also, ladies, thank you all for your bolstering comments on previous posts.  It really helps to know there are people out there empathizing and sending positive vibes; I am doing the same and hopefully we can collectively muster enough strength and resolve (and commitment to the damn situps or whatever) to accomplish our respective goals.  

I am really in a bad way these days. . . I can’t seem to get back on track with the diet and my life has been really hectic and unpleasant.  I planned some time tonight to look around at the blogs on this website for inspiration because I need something to help kick start me back into diet mode.  This whole month has been truly a shoddy effort for someone with almost now about 70 pounds to lose.  I’m back to feeling self-conscious and logy a lot of the time.  My work and personal life is suffering; the dogs haven’t had enough exercise, the house is gradually growing dirtier.  All these things in combination are making me feel less like a functional adult then ever- and already, it’s hard to feel like a functional adult when the evidence of my inability to take care of myself is written all over my jiggly body.  I have a whole bunch of stuff to do tomorrow, but Monday I’m going to take the day for cleaning, food preparation (healthy foods to have on hand), working out vigorously and generally trying to re-center myself in terms of the food thing.  My birthday is three months away and the holidays five; I need to not feel humiliated in front of my extended family by then and that means being on an exercise program, a healthy diet and a regimented schedule of working on all my creative projects.  When ever I feel depressed, it manifests itself in all the behaviors I’ve just described: I have trouble keeping the house clean, I eat a steady diet of food that I know makes me feel like shit and which does not even taste that good to me, I watch movies instead of working on my writing or other creative endeavors, I see less of my friends then is normal for a generally social creature like myself, I don’t work out and have trouble even walking the dogs.  People say if you don’t have the fundamentals down, it will affect you whole life; if you’re not eating, sleeping and exercising well, it is nearly impossible to keep the rest of your affairs running smoothly.  All those things have been a serious problem for me this month and I need to get back on track.  It took me such a long time to come around to really wanting to commit to the long, arduous process of losing weight that to fly off track the second month is really demoralizing.  I just need to get back into a positive mindframe, start working out everyday again and once again stock the kitchen with foods I like, which are healthy.  God, I just need to snap out of it.