I am really in a bad way these days. . . I can’t seem to get back on track with the diet and my life has been really hectic and unpleasant.  I planned some time tonight to look around at the blogs on this website for inspiration because I need something to help kick start me back into diet mode.  This whole month has been truly a shoddy effort for someone with almost now about 70 pounds to lose.  I’m back to feeling self-conscious and logy a lot of the time.  My work and personal life is suffering; the dogs haven’t had enough exercise, the house is gradually growing dirtier.  All these things in combination are making me feel less like a functional adult then ever- and already, it’s hard to feel like a functional adult when the evidence of my inability to take care of myself is written all over my jiggly body.  I have a whole bunch of stuff to do tomorrow, but Monday I’m going to take the day for cleaning, food preparation (healthy foods to have on hand), working out vigorously and generally trying to re-center myself in terms of the food thing.  My birthday is three months away and the holidays five; I need to not feel humiliated in front of my extended family by then and that means being on an exercise program, a healthy diet and a regimented schedule of working on all my creative projects.  When ever I feel depressed, it manifests itself in all the behaviors I’ve just described: I have trouble keeping the house clean, I eat a steady diet of food that I know makes me feel like shit and which does not even taste that good to me, I watch movies instead of working on my writing or other creative endeavors, I see less of my friends then is normal for a generally social creature like myself, I don’t work out and have trouble even walking the dogs.  People say if you don’t have the fundamentals down, it will affect you whole life; if you’re not eating, sleeping and exercising well, it is nearly impossible to keep the rest of your affairs running smoothly.  All those things have been a serious problem for me this month and I need to get back on track.  It took me such a long time to come around to really wanting to commit to the long, arduous process of losing weight that to fly off track the second month is really demoralizing.  I just need to get back into a positive mindframe, start working out everyday again and once again stock the kitchen with foods I like, which are healthy.  God, I just need to snap out of it.