Food isnt freedom

Last night, I went for a walk outside. Not a leisurely stroll mind you. A full out speed walking with an occassional sprint thrown in for good measure.  Bootcamp has taught me a few things in the last 3 weeks. One, that I am completely and totally out of shape. I am at my heaviest ever, topped only by being 8 months pregnant.  I have lost the ability to be graceful or have any kind of rhythm with my body because I carry so much weight on it.  Two, bootcamp has taught me that my body is more powerful than I thought it was.  All of the cardio and weight drills have taught me that I can push past the pain that I am momentarily feeling and keep going. I used to always give up. Now, sometimes I give up and sometimes I push right on through and come the other side full of wonder that I haven’t passed out.

I marveled last night at how amazing the body is- how such a machine can be built up or destroyed. I am disappointed with myself that I have let my body down.  It is truly a gift from God- a healthy body keeps me going to love and enjoy my family, to help and serve my friends and community.  Now, if I could only remember that when the urge to eat large amounts of chips and salsa with a coca-cola hits me!

Bootcamp. It conjures up all sorts of painful thoughts, but honestly it isnt as difficult as I thought it would be. Dont get me wrong, its not easy, but they arent screaming in my ear and grunting at me. There is lots of positive feedback mixed in with cardio drills and weight circuits and running laps around the gym building. I have a long way to go to get healthy and get back in shape. I am so disappointed with myself that I have let it get to this point. But disappointment isnt getting me anywhere… hard work and watching what I eat will. So tomorrow morning I will get up and put on my “fat clothes” and drive to my gym to sweat for an hour. That is going to get me somewhere…